The Church You Fled From I Am Running To

This is a hard place to stand, because on one side voices scream:
"You have forsaken the truth for a diluted Gospel!"

And on the other side they proudly proclaim:
"You have forsaken reality for the Tooth Fairy!"

One man removes himself from the church because it is too liberal for him. Another because it isn't godless enough for him.
I have fled to the "liberal" church,
And I am wrong and I am woman
And won't I see the error of my ways,
and how those evil secularists and those patriarchal wolves are pulling my own wool over my own sheep-eyes?
(For I must be a sheep, to believe and yet not believe in the manner someone else always insists is appropriate?
Sheep I will be then, for He's coming to gather the ones who have been scattered, and I'd rather be The Divine's Child than Dogmatic Sage).

I am standing on the tightrope between
Most Right And Holy Orthodoxy and Craven Apostasy.
I would like them to help me balance
and then we would all hold hands.

Wouldn't that be something?

[For "or" can be the most satanic of words.]

Woe to the shepherds who destroy and scatter the sheep of my pasture! says the LORD. Therefore, thus says the LORD, the God of Israel, concerning the shepherds who shepherd my people: it is you who have scattered my flock, and have driven them away, and you have not attended to them. So I will attend to you for your evil doings, says the LORD. Then I myself will gather the remnant of my flock out of all the lands where I have driven them, and I will bring them back to their fold, and they shall be fruitful and multiply. I will raise up shepherds over them who will shepherd them, and they shall not fear any longer, or be dismayed, nor shall any be missing, says the LORD.

-The Prophet Jeremiah

Theotokos

God entered the world through a woman of low repute
two thousand years ago,
and passed through her flesh, her heart, her soul.
Tell me
Why wouldn't He continue to do so?

"So God created mankind in his own image,

in the image of God he created them;

male and female he created them."

-The Book of Genesis 

The Divisive Woman (or, Honest Conversations with a Church Greeter)

You don't know who I am
But you insist on how much you and God love me
And how you've missed seeing my face in a pew.
Just as long as you don't know what I think about
and I don't talk about

women's rights
lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people
the lives of puppies, butterflies, rocks, and trees
("Some things, say the wise ones who know everything,
are not living. I say, you live your life your way and leave me alone.")
election ballots stained with sinful choices
hot meals at vegan cafes with safe friends
not giving a shit whether the Bible is infallible or inerrant
or the so-called end of Western civilization.
But caring about real people with untidy lives that don't fit in the constructs of your narrow mind.
Hindu prayer beads and the word "ahimsa" on my lips
Deep stretches with deep breaths while meditating on the life of Jesus
Pipes emanating with the fragrance of vanilla tobacco
Beer, wine, and liquor
Being drunk on fifty proof grace.
Colorful words that punch up my vocabulary.

Because,
the real curse isn't whether I say shit or fuck or damn.

Being cursed is being told you are loved
And then told to shut up.

If that kingdom goes up in flames from one spark that flies from my mouth
Then hand me the kindling.

Billy the Kitten (Or, Why I Do What I Do)

When my sister and I were young teens, we found a fluffy gray and white kitten in the woods behind our home. I insisted we name her Billy (I was very into androgynous names at the time). Our grandmother, who we lived with, absolutely detested animals, but especially cats. So we snuck her into the basement. I had cat allergies at the time and was trying to hide my sniffles with Claritin. We would do daily trips to the PetSmart just up the road in order to smuggle two cans of cat food into the house. 

For two glorious weeks, we had a kitten. And then she found her way upstairs when we weren't home, and my grandmother had an absolute meltdown. We insisted she must have snuck in, and tried hiding the cat in another part of the house. She found the cat again. The jig was up. We said we could keep her outside and take care of her, but she demanded that the cat be dumped at the county shelter.

We loaded into my dad's blue Chevorlet with Billy in our arms, sobbing uncontrollably. When we arrived at the county shelter my Dad took Billy from us and went into the shelter by himself. He tried to console us with the fact that she's a kitten, she probably would find a home. I had an intuition at the time that that was an unlikely possibility. I recently looked up the live release rates of that county shelter in Ohio, and they're the same as here in the Midlands, so I know that, more than likely, she met an early death. I hope otherwise, but reality is what it is.

Billy is why I rescue animals in need whenever they come across my path. Billy is why, when I found a pit bull on the street with a very high prey drive who kept diving for my cats, I couldn't surrender him to the municipal shelter and have him lose his life. So he stayed in a spare room and was securely by my side whenever I leashed him up to take him for walks. Then dear angel friends of mine stepped up to foster him, and I owe them so much for that.

I know that the average person thinks it's crazy when I say I have 6 cats and 1 dog (I've even met animal people who thought the number of cats I have is excessive). I know that my husband didn't know this was coming when we got married, and neither did I. As an ex-evangelical, I had compassion for animals but always thought unearthing my passion to care for them would mean I had misaligned priorities, since only human people have souls, and shouldn't I try to save those first? (I don't believe that nonsense any more). But it unleashed itself when I adopted Schnapps, and it has blossomed and been stretched and challenged and tested. And my husband has accepted this part of me, and I am so grateful.

No matter if I'm paid for it, I will always be an advocate and a rescuer. It's in my blood. And I know so many people who feel the same way. People who will give their last dollar to save an animal's life and provide it with quality care. And they won't get recognition for it, but their impact is felt in ripples around the world. Everything is inter-connected, after all. Who knows what lives you touch when you save an animal, and it is adopted into a happy home, and that animal has an impact on those people in ways you could never have imagined. My animals have saved my life times over. Who knows how many times the animals we save, save the lives of others?

I could go on for hours. But I have to go serve my cats Fancy Feast on my grandmother's china.

Our Star

And normally I look with anticipation towards the New Year,
new beginnings,
fresh starts and bright, clean pages.

But 2014 marks the first full year that the earth will fly around it's star
Without ours. 

As Far As It Depends On You, Live At Peace With Everyone

I'm concerned that when it comes to the grace of God, we are all like Jonah, no matter our camps. We become upset when God shows grace, forgiveness and mercy to those whom we consider unworthy. Or who we claim could not truly be Christians.

“You have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left—and also many animals?”
God to Jonah, 4: 10,11 

Deciding who is the recipient of God's grace is a heavy burden to bear on such small, fallible shoulders as our own.

I know that we have each been wounded by people on the other side of our fences. A young liberal Christian has been told she is a disappointment to God for advocating for the rights of her gay brother and sisters. A conservative Christian has been told she must not believe in God's equalizing grace if she holds to the doctrine of wifely submission. These are issues worth discussing and thinking about with grace, humility, and wisdom. We are supposed to work out our salvation with fear and trembling, and by proxy, I think we also work out our precepts in much the same way: we are fallible beings dealing with immense ideas. Better to tremble a little and extend grace than stand so firmly on the idea that God doesn't think as highly of those who disagree with you.

There is neither Pope nor American Christian so firm in their opinions (liberal or conservative) nor theologian proclaiming absolute certainty for their precepts that is the gatekeeper to God's overflowing grace and all-encompassing love. The door opens to those who knock, there's no theology exam, there's no wounded Savior checking your election ballot to ensure it's correctness, there's only a God who loves us as we are. Does what we think and do matter? Certainly. And we should discuss it with grace and humility and seek wisdom.  But it is not the criterion for our acceptance, and there is no human who demarcates the lines of salvation. So drink deeply of the wild grace of God, because it's for you, as you are, not as any human thinks you ought to be.

"Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor,serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
-St Paul, Romans 12

Love Wants to Know You As You Are

It's not love if  you only want to know another insofar as they fall into the tidy categories of right and wrong

in your mind. 

People are multifaceted beings, in all their heresy, orthodoxy, goodness, badness.  

In their both-ness, not their either/or-ness.

If you cannot handle the enormous baggage everyone in this beautiful mess carries in their hearts like bitter wine, don't call the shallow affirmation you offer only to those who fit in your echo chamber

love.

Why Animals Aren't Practice for Children

If you're sitting around asking yourself, "Are we ready for kids?" and conclude, "Let's adopt a pet to find out!" you're not ready for either.

I take issue with the idea that pets are good practice for children. The similarities between parenting and animal companionship are thus: you have a being is dependent on you for sustenance, nurture, and love. But the form of meeting those needs is significantly different between the two.

I imagine nothing could really prepare you for what it's like to parent 24/7, but pet ownership isn't it. I dote on my cats, and I have a litter of kittens I'm raising from birth, but caring for them is not like caring for children. I can leave my cats alone while I go to work. So can my friends who own dogs. When I correct my cats, its for shredding the carpet. And that correction is the form of spraying water at them or making a loud noise that startles them, not having a heart to heart about obedience and responsibility (how I wish I could!). My cats will die in about 15 years and I can choose to start the cycle all over again. A baby cannot be left unsupervised for hours at a time.

Adopt an animal when you've done your research, talked to other pet owners, and spent time with the kind of animal you want. You'll have a good understanding of whether you're ready for that commitment.

Have a child when you've done your research, talked to other parents, and spent time with children. You'll gain a better understanding of whether you're ready for parenting.

Don't adopt an animal to test the waters of your responsibility.

On Egregious Misinterpretations of Isaiah 46:6 and Jeremiah 17:9

You who call goodness
evil
unless it is cloaked in the decaying sweetness of your saccharine theology
Are not the one who judges a woman according to her deeds.

Goodness is always goodness
and you are not the judge of my intent.

There is one Judge
Who knows me in all my brokenness and giftedness
(for each is as real as the other).

And I answer for these "filthy rags" and "wicked heart" only to that Divine Flame.

I Know You Think It's a Sin

Dear Evangelical:

When I post about women in leadership or gay rights,
I know the passages you are about to quote.
I know the reasons you're about to give for your beliefs.
I know your beliefs very well.

Do me a kindness: recognize that I have been wrestling with these issues for years
And that I'm well aware of what you say the Bible says.

I know you think it's a sin.

I am telling you why I think it's not.

Engage my thoughts, or walk away from me.

But don't stuff your ears, scream the Scriptures, and then act as if the conversation is over.

Because I'm not convinced by your polemic, and for good reason.

And I would love to have you listen to the reasons.

And to discuss it like adults.

Sincerely,

Gina Marie Perpetua