Guilty Girl

Take away my ability to trust myself
my instincts, ambitions, feelings.
Because they're desperately wicked
since they come from my heart.

Take away my worthiness
Take away love, hope, comfort, safety, security
For I deserve none of it
I deserve only to suffer
Being so hopelessly guilty.
(Anything good is a crumb from the table)

Take away my mind
Take away the red lights warning me
to get out of here
Because a woman's intuition is more easily deceived.

Tell me everything about me
Is not as it should be.

Replace me with dogma
A clear understanding of a holy book
Replace me with platitudes about how everyone is wrong
and hanging just above hell.
Replace me with the smug superiority
that I've got God figured out.

Replace me with political beliefs
pulled straight from the mouth of God.
Replace me with a replica
of the good girl I ought to be.
Replace me with a confused girl
Who thinks that an abusive boy
Is all that she deserves.

Take His Holy Wrath
Take eternal punishment
Take His angry Hands
that we are hopelessly in

and put them in the place
you think
I go
for saying that all you ever said about God
was a lie.